the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
