he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Randomize
