I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
