From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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