you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
