How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
