ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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