wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
