wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
