did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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