I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
third nipple confirmed
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
