We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
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