According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
