Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
