how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
