I murdered the dance floor call the cops
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Blood and glitter go together right?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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