David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
