It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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