Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
