Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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