At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
