i just had sex bonerless
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Omg I joined a choir last night...
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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