hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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