Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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