pedialite and red bull = repair kit
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
