Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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