1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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