see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
