She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
