Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
jump out the window naked night went bad
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
