A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
