I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Randomize
