I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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