if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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