he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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