I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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