If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
