Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
