Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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