I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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