Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
