It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
