My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I have post one night stand depression
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
