Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
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