Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
it's not cheating when I paid for it
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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