It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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