Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
What changed your mind?
Being sober
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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