So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
