I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
