Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
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