when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
