Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I love you.
Bad choice
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
