Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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