I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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