I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Non-Jews are for practice
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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